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Safe Space to Fall Apart

“Create a safe space for them to be a mess” Bodhi, my rope guru, instructed me early on and I took it to heart, as I do with all important lessons. I learned to give this safe space to my clients and doing so has become natural and effortless, an integral part of the experience I provide. Whoever said "it is better to give than to receive" was probably a stoic, a Quaker, or another type of ascetic, but I’ve come to see that it is just as important to be able to accept loving gifts as it is to give them.

As much as I enjoy giving others the gift of a safe haven—which I do, and find immensely gratifying—I also deeply desire to receive one myself. Why wouldn't I? What I've learned to offer is rare and priceless. I, too, long to be recognized and appreciated for my wild humanity. A lot is hidden behind my smile and normally calm demeanor. I have been tamed for too long, and so were all the generations before me. I too want to be free, to be loved by being permitted to be anything I wish to be.

Having total freedom to let go of things is what leads to unconditional presence, and I feel such gratitude when someone is able to offer that to me. I crave the opportunity to break down and let my body, my intuition, my emotions have their way. I want to be able to cry for no reason without anyone telling me to stop and stay positive. I want to laugh and say silly things without having to make sense. I want to be allowed to get aggressive while knowing it won’t mess things up. I want a safe space in which to be grumpy and nasty without the fear of someone judging that that’s who I am. I want to expose my deepest wounds and be seen, rather than fixed.

By accepting the fact that I am just as deserving as my clients, I was able to welcome love into my life. I have welcomed it in the form of creating a nest for myself, the kind of home I have always wanted - with a bathtub, jacuzzi, hammocks, a cozy bed and altar spaces. I have welcomed it by attracting a different soul family of people who value my human authenticity, not only my goddess-mode perfection. I welcomed the services of various coaches, spiritual teachers and healers who embraced my wounds while safely guiding me deeper into my authenticity. I also welcomed it by deciding to stop feeling guilty about charging premium prices for my services because I know that what I offer is of infinite value and that I deserve to be able to pay for similar services myself, whenever I need them.

There are times when you have to try to be a superhero, or at least your best self. There are times when you should work hard, stay positive, and push your own limits. But there are also precious times during this wild and vulnerable human experience in which to be unconditionally loved, completely embraced. I now believe that my mission in this lifetime is to discover unconditional acceptance for myself while guiding others to do the same.

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